


carry you home

by weatheredlaw



Series: all the way across the universe [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Brother-Sister Relationships, Flashbacks, Found Family, Implied Sexual Content, Mild Language, Multi, Post-Canon Fix-It, Suggestive Themes, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-22 03:36:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12472580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weatheredlaw/pseuds/weatheredlaw
Summary: Everyone keeps saying, "It'll all work out," but Lucretia and Taako can't imagine a world where it does.Keeping a promise to a friend just might be the thing they need.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> my monster "lucretia and taako work it out" fic is finally happening. this a pretty hefty culmination of my headcanons and feelings, so i hope it all works out. enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucretia stood when he did and followed him out of the office. “Did Merle ask you to come?”
> 
> “No,” he said, and adjusted his hat. “It...was my idea.”

_**taako** _

Taako got the call on his stone of farspeech that Merle was on his way about five minutes before he got there, which...was pretty typical. It was all or nothing with that guy, as far as communication was concerned, so Taako didn't stress. He threw a quick lunch together and when Merle had finally gotten settled and eaten, he leaned forward, resting his chin in his hand and said, “What's on your mind, old man?”

Merle's expression grew concerned. “Ah. Good question. I, uh.” He cleared his throat. “You...you remember when we were in Wonderland, and--”

“I try not to, but go on.”

“Well, we made Magnus a promise. When he forgot...forgot Kalen, instead of Julia. We promised that if we ever came across him, we'd...take care of things. You remember _that?_ ”

Taako sighed. “I do.”

“Well...I found him.”

Taako froze. “You did.”

“Yeah.” Merle went to get his bag and pulled out a roll of paper, spreading it out next to Taako's elbow. “Look, here. _Eastwind, Lord Kalen._ I mean, it could be a totally different Kalen, but--”

“It's probably not.”

“No,” Merle said. “It's...probably not.”

Taako sighed. “Well, what did you want to do? I mean, I've got a _life_ here, Merle. And _you_ do, too. I can't just pack up--”

“But you know we should.”

“Merle, I'm trying to do a dramatic monologue before I make the ultimate decision that, yes, we need to go and make sure this guy is dead as fuck. But fine, whatever.” He stood. “We'll need to get ready. And we'll need to come up with something to tell Magnus, he can't _go_. He doesn't even remember the guy, but I bet Kalen sure as fuck remembers him.”

“Most likely.”

“And we'll need back-up.”

Merle considered this. “...Lup and Barry?”

“Possibly. They're busy.”

“Kravitz?”

“Also busy, but could be called on in a pinch. I'll, uh. I'll think of something. You handle the travel part, I'll handle the passengers. You cool with that?”

“Totally cool with it.”

“Alright.” Taako gave Merle the best shit-eating grin his could muster. “Let's kill this guy.”

 

* * *

 

In all fairness, he didn't _not_ want to ask her, but he didn't really _want_ to either. Taako's feelings where Lucretia were concerned were...complicated. And they'd only become even more so over the past year. Their longest conversation currently clocked in at around six and a half seconds, long enough for them to each say, “Hi, how are things?” and both answer. “Oh, great, thanks for asking,” before ducking out of sight. Taako understood perfectly well that Lucretia avoided him because she thought he couldn't stand her. Taako knew he avoided her because explaining it was a lot harder than that, and a lot more convoluted. Like his feelings.

So getting up to the moon base and getting an appointment with her required a little bit of a pep talk. Lup was happy to provide.

Taako wasn't crazy about it. “If you're telling me that I need to try letting it go, I'm telling _you_ that we've been there, we've talked about that, and I'm not interested in it.”

“Then _talk_ to her,” Lup said. “You _really_ need to work this stuff out.”

“Also not interested.”

“So, what, you'll just both pretend the other one doesn't exist until she dies? You spent a hundred years together, and you're telling me--”

“You know what? You're terrible at this. And if it'll make you stop, then I will go and see her.”

Lup folded her arms over her chest. “Why though? What's going on?”

Taako swallowed. “Merle and I are...doing good by a promise we made. To Magnus.”

Lup stilled. “...Oh. This is about...about _him._ ”

“Yes.”

“Gotcha.”

“And I just...we need help. You and Barry--”

“We can help you. Not all the time, but if you need me you know how to get in touch with me. And Kravitz.”

“Right. But I figured me and Merle could use a little more permanent backup. I've got a really bad feeling about this guy, you know? Like I just...I can't picture a regular dude getting away with _bombing a town_. He's gotta have a nasty trick up his sleeve.”

Lup nodded. “Maybe.”

“...What?” Taako knew that look. He knew what she was thinking any time she made herself smaller, tried to sort of...disappear. “What is it?”

“Nothing. I just...I don't want to see you get hurt, Taako. When I was in the umbrastaff, I know what happened to you, and it broke me. Every time.”

“Well...now you're out of it. And we can do stuff like this together.”

“Mmm, going on a murder trip. Real family bonding activity.”

“Yeah, and we can take our boyfriends and it'll be like our first _thing_ together.”

Lup rolled her eyes and went to him, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I love you, doofus.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He gave her a little shove. “I love you, too.”

 

* * *

 

– _**a long time ago –**_

“I'm _bored_. Lucretia. _Lucretia_ , find me something to do.”

She turned to him and sighed. “Taako, please. I'm reading.”

He flicked his fingers and her book flew up and into his hands. “Oops. Sorry.”

Lucretia raised a brow and stood. “Fine. You want to learn something?”

“Uh, maybe?”

“Let me clarify.” She crossed her arms over her chest and smiled. “Do you want to learn something a little creepy that involves tentacles?”

“Okay attention, captured.” Taako tossed the book aside and stood up. “I'm all about this.”

Lucretia grinned and led him out of the ship and outside. She motioned for him to give her a little space and rolled up her sleeves before closing her eyes. Black energy spilled from the palms of her hands slowly forming into a writhing, smoking black mass of tentacles on the ground.

“Holy shit.”

“Right?”

“What the hell is that?”

She dropped the spell and stepped back. “Evard's black tentacles.”

“That was sick.”

She smiled. “Alright, you try.”

“Hell yes.”

Magnus and Barry found them an hour later, using the tentacles to throw rocks at trees.

Magnus cleared his throat. “Uh, this is creepy.”

Barry grinned. “I wanna try. Can I try? I think I know this spell, too.”

“Of course you do,” Magnus muttered, and settled onto a tree stump to watch.

 

* * *

 

_**lucretia** _

“Madam Director?”

Lucretia looked up from her work at her assistant standing in the door. “Yes, Astrid?”

“There's a Taako here for you?”

Lucretia dropped her pen and stared for a moment before nodding. “Of course. Send him in.”

Astrid backed out and, a few moments later, Taako stepped in. He glanced around the room, hands held behind his back as he slowly approached the desk. He put one hand on the back of the chair in front of it. “Can I sit?”

“Of course.”

He nodded and settled in across from her. “So. How's it going?”

“Oh, it's fine, thank you for asking.”

“Good. Good.” He sniffed. “Hey, uh, do you remember the name of the guy that destroyed Raven's Roost and murdered Magnus's wife?” The words sunk between the two of them. The entire world could of started burning outside, and neither would have moved. He looked right at her, and Lucretia felt her blood run cold.

“Kalen.”

“Yeah. Well Merle, of _all_ people, found him, and we were thinking of going kinda murder hobo on his ass. Like a little adventure, you know?”

“That sounds...dangerous. I don't think Kalen is a particularly stable man.”

“Oh, I figured since that, you know, he got so mad about not getting to keep a town that he killed almost everyone who lived in it.” Taako shrugged. “Didn't _seem_ like a super okay guy.”

“I also mean that he's probably quite dangerous, Taako. I'm sure you're assuming that as well.”

“Yeah, I am.” He sniffed. “Look, if you're just gonna lecture about him, I'll go--”

“No,” Lucretia said quickly. “No, I...I want to hear you out. Please. Keep going.”

“Well that's it though, isn't it? Me and Merle want to go find him. We can't bring Magnus, he doesn't remember the guy. Most of the Bureau's not gonna be invested and they're busy. But you...you and Magnus are close,” Taako said quietly. “I know how much he means to you. How much you mean to him. And I figured if anyone would wanna come with...well, it'd be you.”

“Well I...I'm quite busy with the Bureau and rebuilding--”

“Yeah, I figured as much. Forget I asked--”

“But that doesn't mean _no_ ,” she said. “Taako, I...I've been looking for Kalen. I even found him a few times, but whenever I sent agents to look into him, they could never give me anything concrete. I tried to prove that he was doing something illegal so the duke might intervene.”

“Seems to have worked out well for you.”

“If you're suggesting a full-scale attack, I don't think that's wise. But if we could get in--”

“Take him by surprise--”

“ _Precisely._ ”

Taako grinned. “Fucker won't even see it coming. We gotta tell Magnus _something_ though.”

“I might be able to take care of that. He's suggested we go camping no less than thirty times.”

Taako snorted. “Yeah, he asked me, too.”

“Ridiculous--”

“We're not having a moment,” he said quickly. “Like...like this isn't a moment. We're agreeing on strategy, alright?”

“...Alright.”

“Okay. Good. You, uh, you take care of Magnus then. I did what I said I was going to do.”

Lucretia stood when he did and followed him out of the office. “Did Merle ask you to come?”

“No,” he said, and adjusted his hat. “It...was my idea.”

 

* * *

 

It didn't take long after everything settled for Magnus to build himself a home.

It was big, with room enough for their entire family, and when it was first finished, only Magnus and Angus lived there. Eventually, Lucretia found herself staying there more often than not, and one afternoon Magnus just looked at her and said quietly, “Stay. You'll be here tomorrow anyway.”

So. She stayed.

That afternoon after Taako visited, the path leading up to their home seemed endless. She was going to have to come up with something, and after everything they'd been through – this would be her first lie to him in years, though it was for a higher calling, she tried to reason. It was to do something that had needed to be done for years.

Just another task she'd failed to accomplish. Kalen was under her nose all this time. He'd been so _close_ , she'd had her chance years ago, and she hadn't taken it –

(if she closed her eyes, she could remember the way he swept her out and onto the dance floor, that night at the benefit, that night he turned to her and smiled wide like a crocodile, handed her a glass of wine, grasped her wrist and _twisted_ like he meant to kill – )

_Thunk!_

Magnus was chopping wood on the side of the house. Lucretia tore herself away from a memory she wished _she_ could abandon and walked up the hill to see him.

He grinned as she approached. “You're home early.”

“You're always telling me I work too hard.”

“You do,” he said, and brought his ax down. “Good day?”

“Not the worst.”

Magnus nodded. “That's good,” he said, and leaned the ax against the side of the house before beginning to toss the chopped pieces into their bin. Lucretia took a seat on the tree stump.

“Taako stopped by.”

He paused. “...Did he now.”

“He did. We had a perfectly pleasant conversation.”

Magnus turned. “You sure? Because I told him if he wasn't going to be nice to you then to just not say anything at all--”

“Taako has been nothing but cordial the last year,” Lucretia said quietly. “There's no reason for you to be upset with him.” She looked up. “He has nothing but good intentions, and I can look out for myself.”

Magnus sighed. “I know that. I just...I wish you guys could work stuff out.”

Lucretia sat up straighter. “We...talked about that.”

Magnus's expression brightened. “You did?” He tossed the last piece of wood in the bin and smiled. “That's great! What are you guys thinking?”

“Well, you've...mentioned a camping trip. We thought we might all go.”

Magnus _beamed._ “You mean that?” Lucretia nodded. Magnus crossed the patch of yard to her and reached down to take her hands. “It's important to me that you guys figure this out. You don't have to love each other. You don't even have to like each other. But maybe...maybe you can talk about it. Work through some stuff.”

Lucretia looked down. “I love Taako,” she said. _That's why I did it._

“I know you do.”

“You're all so important to me. I wouldn't want--”

Magnus knelt down in front of her. “It's alright,” he said soothingly. Lucretia was hit with the pain of _missing him,_ the way she had all those years without him. Without her family. The loneliness was no longer a feeling, it was a creature that had burrowed inside her, took up residence and lived off of her for years. She had no idea if there was a way to eradicate it completely.

It would probably always live there.

“Come on,” Magnus said, and leaned forward to kiss her forehead. “Let's go inside and make some dinner. Angus should be home soon.”

 

* * *

 

Angus regarded her with some suspicion over dinner, after Magnus announced they were going camping.

“You said _Taako_ wanted to go?”

Lucretia kept her gaze in her soup. Angus was a brilliant child, mature for his age, wise beyond his ears – Lucretia did _not like_ how he could look right through her. She loved him dearly, but the inside of her was currently occupied buy some kind of animal, something that howled and pleaded for touch and affection. She suspected Angus knew, the same way Lup did.

Lup, who would come to her office and hold her hand and talk soothingly to her. Lup, who was beautiful and brilliant and had been missing from her for so long. Lucretia had looked for her for years, and to know that she'd been trapped, that she'd been locked away – it did nothing but to feed the thing in her chest.

Angus tipped his head to the side. “Taako doesn't want to go camping.”

“Sure he does,” Magnus said, reaching for another piece of bread. “We're all going. It'll be a lot of fun, Ango.”

“I've never been camping before.”

Magnus reached out and gave the boy a hearty pat on the back. “We'll get you all set up. Hey, tell Lu about soccer practice this morning. You shoulda seen him out there, he was amazing.”

Angus glanced at Lucretia one last time before giving up, launching into a detailed explanation of how his coach thought he'd make a good goalie, and he would need extra time on the field and how maybe Magnus could built him a little pitch in the backyard and he could enchant some balls and practice catching them.

“Could you help me with that, Lucretia?”

She looked up, startled out of the lull Angus's gentle voice had coxed her into. “Oh,” she said. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” he said, and took another piece of bread from the bowl. “I am.”

“Then I would love to, Angus.”

After dinner, Lucretia said goodnight to them both and went to her room. She sat at her vanity, staring into her reflection, aware suddenly of the lines that gave her face its new shape, one so different from the memories she'd stolen from her family. A soft knock sounded on the door.

“Come in, Angus.”

He stepped inside and shut the door behind him. “How'd you know it was me?”

“Because you have questions. And Magnus sleeps like the dead.” She turned to him. “Is everything alright?”

“Why are you lying about camping?”

Lucretia sighed and stood, gesturing for Angus to sit into one of the armchairs by the fireplace in her room. His feet didn't even touch the floor.

“Has Magnus told you how Julia died?”

“A little. He said their town was destroyed, but he doesn't know why or who did it?”

Lucretia nodded. “You remember how frightened I was for them when they went to Wonderland, don't you?”

“You were scared they'd never come back.”

“I was scared they'd come back _different_ ,” she said. “I went to Wonderland and I...I lost twenty years of my life. And I never got what I wanted. Each of them had to sacrifice something, I'm sure of it. That's how Wonderland worked.” Lucretia settled into the chair across from him. “Magnus...gave up something, while he was there. Raven's Roost was once ruled by a terrible man. He was called Governor Kalen. When Magnus and the people of Raven's Roost overthrew him, he...took his vengeance out on the town itself. He destroyed it.” Angus's expression was fearful. Lucretia reached out and took his hand. “It's alright.”

“That's terrible.”

“I know.”

“And that's how Julia died?” Lucretia nodded. “But Magnus never mentioned Kalen.”

“No.”

Angus looked up sharply. “He gave up that memory, didn't he?”

“He did. It was either the memory of Julia, or the memory of the man who killed her. Magnus chose the latter. But he...asked Taako and Merle to make sure that, if they ever happened upon Kalen, they would do what he no longer good. Merle apparently located him. He's the lord of a small town on the coast, Eastwind.”

“And you're going after him.”

“Yes. But Magnus can't come with us, that's the situation I'm dealing with currently.”

Angus nodded. “I understand,” he said, and hopped down from the chair. “When do you leave?”

“I'm...not sure. I think in a few days.”

“Let me know when, exactly, and I'll take care of it.”

“Angus, love, I can't ask you to--”

Angus turned to her. “Magnus took me in. You and everyone are my family now. You need to do this for him. You _need_ to make sure Kalen never hurts anyone ever again. I understand the world isn't black and white, okay? Things are complicated, but Kalen is...Kalen is evil. That's what I believe. So if you can do something about him, then you should. I can't go, but I can stay here and make sure you have the time you need.” He went to Lucretia and wrapped his arms around her neck. Angus didn't hug her often, but she found when he did, it starved out the beast, just for a moment.

Just enough to feel _warm_ again.

“I love you,” Angus said. “All of you. Please do this for him.” He pulled back. “Promise?”

“Yes, Angus. Of course.”

“Okay.” He kissed her cheek. “Don't worry about Magnus. I've got a sure-fire way to keep him home.”

 

* * *

 

“Angus is sick,” Magnus said, sitting a little slumped at the kitchen table. “So I can't go camping.”

“Oh _no_.” Lucretia sat next to him and took his hand. “Well that's no good. I'll stay,” she said. “You go.”

“No, no, you...you said that this was Taako's idea, and I really think that you should go and try to work stuff out. Merle can help,” he added. “If Davenport wasn't gone he'd help, too, I bet. He loves you.” Magnus gripped her hand. “It's okay. I really wanted to take Angus anyway, so maybe when he's feeling better, we'll try again.”

“Are you _sure?_ ”

“I am. You guys have a good time. Enjoy it out there, it's going to be beautiful.”

Lucretia smiled. It was easy to lie about this. She wished it wasn't.

“We'll do this soon,” she said. “You and I, together.” She stood and leaned down to kiss the top of his head.

“I'd like that,” he said, and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.

Taako was impressed later, when he and Merle arrived at Lucretia's office to go over the final details. “Ango's got guts,” he said.

“Yes, his display was very convincing,” Lucretia said, shuffling papers around on his desk. “Apparently he learned a rather clever spell from someone in school.”

“I knew standardized education was gonna be good for that kid,” Taako said proudly. “Wouldn't think it'd come from Lucas, but.” He shrugged.

Merle took out a little folder bound in a rubber band. “This is all I was able to get on Kalen,” he said. “It's not much, but it paints a not so pretty picture.”

Taako leaned back. “Talk to me.”

“There's a little write-up in the _Neverwinter Gazette_ about Raven's Roost a week after it all went down. I guess he was able to pin it on the rebels, which doesn't make much sense to me since things had calmed down there, but where there's coin there's a way.”

Lucretia took the paper he handed her. “You think he bought his alibi, essentially?”

“Most likely. Guy seems to have connections. Whether they're monetary or, uh, you know. _Other worldly_ , they're workin'.”

Taako made a face. “Gross. What else you got?”

“Well, he went to a place called Luskan for a short while, but they hold elections there, and he got booted from their council about six months in. Didn't burn that one to the ground.”

Lucretia and Taako both muttered, “How thoughtful.” Taako did not look up when she did.

“And then after that he went to another place called Shearock, and then after that he made it to Eastwind.”

Lucretia looked up. “What happened to Shearock?”

“Nothin' that I can see. It's apparently still up and running.”

“It might be good for us to follow his path,” Taako said. “Figure out what he did, ask some questions.”

“Yes, the people in Luskan and Shearock might have answers,” Lucretia murmured, glancing through the papers. “I...I think we should be prepared for the worst,” she said.

“Well yeah.” Taako folded his arms over his chest. “The guy firebombed a town.”

“No, I...I only mean...” She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I met Kalen,” she admitted. “Some years ago.”

Taako leaned forward. “You what?”

“Artemis was having a benefit dinner. He invited...so many people. Kalen was one of them. He'd recently left Raven's Roost, no one seemed to suspect him at all.”

“And you let him _live?_ ”

“Well I couldn't very well kill him in the duke's _garden_ ,” Lucretia snapped. “He was well protected that night, and he...he _knew_ things. Things he shouldn't have known.”

“Things about you?” Taako asked. His tone was unpleasant.

“...Yes.”

“Like what?”

“He would never say. I confronted him, honestly I did. But there was nothing I could do there, and he...he took responsibility for it. It's more complicated than it sounds, I assure you.”

“Everything with you is,” Taako muttered, and stood. “Fine, whatever. You didn't do the job when you had the chance, but now we can. It seems like he hasn't completely destroyed other peoples' lives, so no harm done I guess.” He picked up his hand. “Let's head to Luskan in two days. Cool?”

“Yeah,” Merle said. Lucretia nodded.

“Great. Don't bug me until then,” he said, turning toward her. “I'll be seeing enough of you while we're on this hell trip anyway.” And then he left.

Lucretia sat very still in her chair until Merle reached out to cover her hand with his own. She flinched.

“It's okay,” he said gently. “He'll come around.”

“It's been a _year._ ”

“And he lost more than ten.”

“You did too,” she said, closing her eyes. “I took it from you all--”

“Well, I just can't stay mad at folks. 'Cept Magnus, but that's mostly just to mess with him.” Merle chuckled. Lucretia gripped his hand in hers. “You and Taako were close once. I remember what it was like when we were on the ship. He thought of you as a sister, too. It's gonna come back. Maybe not the way it was, but it'll work out.”

“I don't know if this can fix it.”

“Going after Kalen? Maybe not. But I think it's a start.” Merle let go of her hand and stood. “He loves you, I know that. It's just gonna take some digging to sort it out. Don't...don't let it eat ya up, okay?”

Lucretia nodded. “Okay.”

Merle gathered his things. “I'll see you in a couple of days, Lu.”

“Take care, Merle.”

He went around to her desk and pulled her into a hug, kissing her temple. “You, too.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako looked at her. She was moving into the tent now. She didn't expect anything from him, even though he could almost hear himself saying it, the way he had a hundred thousand times years and years ago.
> 
> Lucretia disappeared behind the flap of her tent.
> 
> Taako leaned down and scrawled _night, lu,_ into the dirt by his feet, and then went to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this will likely update pretty rapidly, i'm working hard on it

_**taako** _  
  


Kravitz leaned against the counter as Taako moved through the kitchen, packing last minute supplies.

“So you're _not_ going to tell me where you're going.”

“I will.” He shut a drawer and turned to Kravitz with a smile. “In the morning.”

“You think I'll stop you.”

“I _think_ you'll worry too much and try to convince me it's a bad idea.”

Kravitz raised a brow. “Is it?” Taako shrugged. “You know I can just start guessing. I think I know you well enough by now to figure out what sorts of unsavory antics you may get up to.”

“I am hurt and, frankly, _offended_ that you'd--” Kravitz kissed him. Taako wanted to fight and argue, just because it was _fun_ , but he melted into it, wrapping his arms around Kravitz's neck and pulling him in closer. They kissed like that for a while, indulgently, expansively against the kitchen counter, until Taako thought he might completely lose himself. He was very close to considering going down on his boyfriend right there on the kitchen floor, but Kravitz pulled back.

“Kalen is dangerous,” he said quietly.

“ _How do you_ \--”

“Lup,” he said.

Taako scowled. “She's such a little shit.”

“She's worried about you. She _loves you._ Kalen lost Raven's Roost and destroyed it. Magnus could have been killed then.”

“Yeah, good thing it was just his wife.”

Kravitz frowned. “That's not what I was implying.”

“Whatever.” Taako moved around him, continuing his packing. “Lucretia's going, so everyone can just chill out. We're taking the world's greatest wizard with us.”

Kravitz snorted. “I don't think Lucretia would agree with the sentiment.”

“Look if you wanna just take her side with everything--”

“There are no sides in this.”

“ _Yes_ ,” Taako snapped. “There _are._ There's her side, where everyone just forgives her for what she did without fucking blinking, and then there's my side, where everyone tells me I should start _healing_ and _letting go._ I don't fucking _want_ to let go, has anyone considered that? Has anyone thought that maybe I just want to be mad for like, fifty years.”

Kravitz looked down. “Lucretia doesn't have fifty years. And you should know that.”

Taako's arms hung loosely by his side. “...Yeah. I guess so.”

“I don't bring that up to make you feel guilty, but your time with your friends is limited because _their_ time is limited. You will live for a few more centuries, _at least!_ ” Kravitz came and put his hands on Taako's shoulders. “Magnus and Lucretia's time in this world is limited. Even Angus--”

“ _Don't._ Don't say...say that.” Taako pulled back. “I get it, okay? I get that they're human and...and _squishy_ and their lives are brief compared to my stupid, endless existence, but I...I deserve some...some _wrath_ ,” he said, thinking of Davenport. “...Don't I?”

“Yes.” Kravitz sighed. “You do. But it's so _hard_ to hold onto it, isn't it?”

“...No.”

“Come now. You're telling me it's _easier_ to hate Lucretia than it is to love your family?”

Taako sighed, scrubbing his hands over his face. “I don't _hate_ Lucretia, alright? I...I _love_ her. She was my sister, once. She was family. But she stole something from me that I will never get back and that fucking makes me mad, alright?”

Kravitz nodded. “I understand.”

“I don't expect to feel this way forever. But it just hasn't been my priority this year, you know? I've got the school, I've got the brand, I've...I've got _you._ ” And Taako let himself take Kravitz's outstretched hand, let him pull him out of the kitchen and into their bedroom. He let him undress him and kiss him and hold him close, and as they moved together, as they made love and the sun streamed through the window and criss-crossed them in gentle, shifting patterns, Taako thought about time, and how much of it he seemed to have.

Kravitz kissed his neck. “You're beautiful,” he murmured.

“I'm selfish and cruel.”

“No, you're not.”

“Then what am I?”

Kravitz sighed, sitting up on his elbow and reaching out to push the hair from Taako's face. “You are justifiably upset about losing something, and _someone_ who meant the world to you. Lucretia understands that. It's why she's give you your space. And you...don't hate her. And you aren't cruel.” He kissed Taako's forehead. “It's why you've stayed away, and why you've been nothing but respectful this past year.”

“I have been hella respectful, haven't I?”

“Yes, my love.”

Taako sighed. “Do you think...that we can work this out?”

“I have to believe you can.”

“Why's that?”

Kravtiz smiled. “Because you didn't just lose Lup those years. You lost Lucretia, too. And I think that hurts a little as well, if you'll let yourself think about it. I'm sure if you tried, you could remember good days on that ship with her. I know I saw a few.”

Taako shrugged. “...Maybe.”

Kravitz sighed and settled into bed, pulling the sheets up and over them. “This will work itself out,” he said. “I'm sure of it.”

 

* * *

 

– _**a long time ago –**_

On Wednesdays Lup had private tutoring with an evocation professor on the IPRE campus, so Taako found himself spending those afternoons alone, snacking on the quad, nose in a book – unless he could find Magnus, who would throw things as far as he could and Taako would magic missile them out of the sky until they got run off the roof of the astronomy building.

That day he couldn't find Magnus, or anyone really, until he went to the east side of the campus and found a little hill to nap on. That's where he found Lucretia.

Taako didn't know her well – she was in his orientation class, she was a candidate for the mission, and she was, apparently, a gifted writer and artist. If she was going to wind up on the Starblaster with them, Taako figured he might as well get to know her.

When approached, she seemed to grow smaller, almost shrinking behind the enormous book in her lap, which she was painstakingly transcribing phrases from in what appeared to be Celestial.

“You can read that?”

She yelped and jumped, staring up at him and pushing her glasses up her nose. “...No,” she said. “Unfortunately. I'm hoping to take it to the linguistics department tomorrow and find someone to translate it for me. I thinks it's a very old poem, but I'm not sure--”

“I can read it.”

Lucretia raised a brow. “Really?” Taako nodded. “Well. Alright.” She moved so he could sit next to her on the quilt she'd brought with her, and smiled. “Have a go, then.”

Taako grinned. He glanced over the page, fumbled over a few words at the start, but eventually managed to get a grasp on it.

“I lie in wait for my soul's truest...desire, I think it says. A thousand moon phases I watched the starscape. Her heart...departed and boarded a great ship bound for the beyond. I wait for her, here, in hopes death might carry me there.” He lifted his head. “It's rough, but it seems like a poem.”

Lucretia took the book back. “Thank you.”

“Kinda depressing, isn't it?”

Lucretia shrugged. “I suppose. I'm interested in stories like these.”

“...Ones about dead people?”

“No. Ones about cataloging loss.” She looked up at the sky, which was starting to melt into the warm colors of sunset. “I think they say a lot more about people than the ones about...victory. When we're victorious, we can be anything. But when we've lost...we're vulnerable.” Lucretia glanced over at him. “I think being vulnerable is the most terrifying experience in the world. And we're...we're so close to it, with this mission. If you and Lup are chosen, you'll be with people like you've never been with them before.”

“You could get up there, too,” Taako said. He honestly had no idea why someone like Lucretia – quiet, academic, artistic – would want to go to space, but he supposed they all had their reasons.

“Maybe,” she said, and closed the book. “Where did you learn Celestial?”

“My aunt thought my sister and I should learn some obscure-ass language. Lup learned Sylvan. I learned Celestial.”

“Lup knows _Sylvan?_ ” Lucretia's entire expression changed. “Oh, you know, would you both be able to teach me a few things? If we're all picked to go? That is, if it's not too much trouble.”

Taako nodded. “Sure thing.”

Lucretia _beamed._ “Thank you,” she said. “Really.”

“Yeah, no problem.”

 

* * *

 

_**taako** _

The morning they were set to leave, Barry came to say goodbye.

“Lup's on a job, she's mad as hell,” he added, when Taako asked after her. “She says she'll find you soon.”

“Sounds good.”

Barry ran a hand through his hair. “Listen, Taako...”

“I don't want a lecture about her.”

“No, I wasn't,” Barry said. “If you and Lucretia work it out, then great. I'll be happy for you. I just wanted to tell you to...be careful.”

Taako narrowed his eyes. “Do you know something?”

“No! Nothing like that!” Barry's cheeks went red. “Look, I just...I've heard bad things about Kalen. He's dangerous. You guys are going to run into some serious trouble going after him, I can feel it. And I want you...to be safe. All of you. You're my family, Taako. I want him to pay for what he did to Magnus as much as anyone else, but not if it means losing more of you.”

Taako sighed. Barry was...his brother. Same as Magnus. “I know,” he said. “We know we're taking a risk, but...go big or go home, huh?”

“You're still home. You can still stay.”

“I can't though. I made Magnus a promise in that god forsaken place, and I'm going to do good by him.” Taako reached out. “C'mere, bud. One hug, just...just to soften the blow.” Barry leaned in and Taako wrapped his arms around him. “It's gonna be fine. Make sure Magnus doesn't follow us, alright?”

“Oh, Angus is sick.”

“Nah, he's fakin', but I want to make sure Magnus doesn't figure that out and come along.”

“Sure, I'll look out for him.”

Taako grinned. “That's why you're my favorite reaper, Barold.”

Barry sighed. “You say that to the other reapers in your life, too.”

“Damn right I do.”

 

* * *

 

_**lucretia** _

“Nice setup,” was all Taako said before they set out. Lucretia had arranged a large enough wagon for them to take, one that wouldn't attract too much attention. He hauled himself into the back and pulled his hat over his face, folding his arms over his chest. Merle took the reins and grinned as Lucretia settled next to him.

“Ready to go get that bastard?”

“I'm ready.”

“Alright. First stop, Luskan.”

 

* * *

 

Luskan was a small town on the coast, and smelled constantly of fish. Merle did most of the talking, considering he was the only one with any sort of political pull among them. (“That is still the most buckwild fucking thing I've ever heard,” Taako muttered. Lucretia silently agreed.) They managed after some time to gain an audience with two members of the Luskan council who remembered Kalen.

“Do you know him?” A tall elven woman leaned forward across the table towards them. “He was _not_ welcome here.”

“Myra, I assume they must.”

“Some of us have had contact with him,” Lucretia said. “We have reason to believe Lord Kalen had more to do with the destruction of Raven's Roost than he previously claimed.

Myra leaned back again. “Well. Finally some _logic_ where Kalen is concerned. Haskell?”

A half-orc man sighed. “We...wondered the same thing. Unfortunately we were unable to prove anything. Kalen is connected. To what, we're not entirely sure. But he has power somewhere.”

Merle nodded. “I'm gettin' that feeling. What happened here that made you run him out?”

“The people of Luskan were not so easily swayed as those in Raven's Roost--”

Lucretia opened her mouth to protest, but Taako lashed out first. “The people in Raven's Roost were _terrorized_ ,” he snarled. “They had to _rebel._ That's why he destroyed their fucking town.”

“Did you live there?” Haskell asked.

“That's not the issue here,” Lucretia said. “Raven's Roost was subjugated to Kalen's rule. We are trying to definitively prove that he had something to do with what happened. You said you wondered. What gave you the idea?”

Myra shrugged. “We just...didn't trust him. He tried to gain favor with the council, and then a position. Unfortunately he underestimated how much the people of Luskan mistrust flashy outsiders. He bought the largest property in town, attempted to gain a following. I will admit, we were all impressed at first.”

“He made donations,” Haskell explained. “Fixed a few properties, invested in some businesses. We thought at first he'd really be a contributing member of the city.”

Taako raised a brow. “What changed?”

“He came into direct competition with another member of our council. They were running in the same district and his tactics were...underhanded,” Myra said.

Haskell snorted. “They were _cruel._ We've never witnesses such _slander_ and lies. Absolutely horrid, what he said about Marigold.”

Merle sighed. “Then what?”

“He lost the election. Seemed very surprised, too. As if...something hadn't worked in his favor. It was very odd. He tried to make amends, tried to get himself back in the good graces of our people, but--” Myra shrugged. “It didn't work. One morning he was simply gone. We've no idea where he went next.”

Lucretia nodded. “Alright. Well...thank you.”

Haskell stood. “We're happy to help, but...you don't intend on going after Kalen alone, do you?”

“We're simply gathering evidence--”

“Yeah,” Taako said. “We are. Since, uh, you know, no one seems to care about Raven's Roost or the people who fucking _died_ there--”

Lucretia felt her blood run cold.

“ _No one cares about places like Raven's Roost, director. And no one ever will.”_

Merle pulled on Taako's sleeve. “C'mon, let's get goin'.”

“No. You all thought something happened and you didn't say anything to anyone. You let that fucker come in here and buy his way into your good graces and then you fucking let him _walk away._ ” Taako turned to Lucretia. “ _Everyone_ has just let him walk away.”

Merle pulled more insistently. “Let's _go_ , Taako.”

“You owe the people of Raven's Roost something,” Taako said. “You let the man who _destroyed_ their town go free.”

Myra stood. “If you can prove that Kalen was responsible, we will be more than happy to assist--”

“No.” Taako yanked his arm out of Merle's grip. “ _Fuck you._ Fuck all of you who think that the people of that town, or the people who _care_ about that town owe you anything.” He turned on his heel and stormed out of the room.

Lucretia turned to Merle, and he nodded. She went after Taako.

He was breathing heavy by the wagon, eyes squeezed shut, one hand over his stomach, like he was nursing a wound.

“...Taako?”

“Don't. Just...just _don't_ , Lucretia. Okay?”

“I understand you're upset--”

“You don't, though.” He turned to her. “You don't know anything about me.”

 _That's not true,_ she wanted to say. But he was right in a sense. The old Taako and Lucretia knew each others secrets. They knew each others favorite foods and colors, the things they'd wanted to be when they grew up.

Now, they were miles and miles apart, even if Lucretia could reach out and touch him.

She wondered if he'd strike her, if she did.

(Her Taako wouldn't, but he wasn't her Taako anymore.

He wasn't her anything, it seemed.)

“No one cares. _No one_ cares. Magnus lost everything and...and everyone just--” He closed his eyes again. “If they could meet him, maybe. But they can't, because he gave that up.”

Merle came out of the building. “Alright, I sorted that mess out.”

“I'm not sorry,” Taako snapped.

“No, I didn't think you would be. And I don't expect it.” He reached out and patted Taako's arm. “They said they'd check in on the town. It's been a long time since it was lost, but, I hear they're still recovering. They said they'd see what was needed. Asked me to apologize to you.”

“I don't accept,” Taako said, and pulled himself up into the wagon. “Let's just go. I hate this place, it smells like shit.”

Merle sighed and turned to Lucretia. “You ready?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I'm ready.”

 

* * *

 

– _**a long time ago –**_

Artemis had invited her to the benefit in person. He enjoyed the concept of the bureau, he said, and he wanted her to mingle. “Make some connections,” he said. “The research you're doing is phenomenal. I wish the Millers had been more available.” Lucretia accepted graciously, found a dress to wear, and arranged for transportation planetside.

It was a truly beautiful event. The duke's gardens were in full bloom, the string quartet that played on the outside stage was exquisite. That was the night she found Johann.

It was also the night she met Kalen.

Artemis had been talking to a slender, handsome man for some time, laughing and drawing people closer. Lucretia did not recognize him, but she went to them when Artemis waved her over.

“Ah, there she is. You must meet Lucretia, she's the one who built that fascinating moon base. Lucretia, tell Kalen what you were telling me about the Millers and those inventions of theirs. What were they? Ele-something.”

Lucretia stared.

She'd heard what had been happening in Raven's Roost. She'd kept close tabs on the home she'd tried to give Magnus. She'd even snuck into his wedding just a year before, to see the woman who'd captured his heart. Julia was beautiful that night. The entire town had come out for their wedding.

And just a month ago, nearly the entire town had been destroyed.

“...Elevators,” she said breathlessly, unable to tear her gaze away.

Kalen raised a brow. “Fascinating.”

“They really _are_ ,” Artemis said. “I enjoy Lucas, I think I'll have the three of you over for dinner. How is Maureen?”

“She's fine.” Lucretia swallowed. “Will...will you excuse me?”

“Oh, of course. Kalen, what were you saying earlier about Raven's Roost? It's such a pity about those rebels.”

“Yes,” he said. “Some people will do anything for a bit of power.”

Lucretia turned and fled as carefully as she could.

She felt his gaze on her all the while.

 

* * *

 

_**taako** _

They made camp a few hours after leaving Luskan. Merle wanted to do everything the old fashioned way, but as soon as the sticks were gathered, Lucretia waved her hand at their makeshift campfire and it burst into flames.

“Nice,” Merle said. “You're not big on the fire spells. Where'd you learn that one?”

Taako glanced at her, but Lucretia kept her head down as she rummaged in her bag.

“A friend taught me. A long time ago.”

“That's neat,” Merle said. He looked up at the stars. “When do you think we'll get the ones the Hunger took back?”

Taako raised a brow. “Think we will?”

“Yeah. JeffAndrew said we would.”

Lucretia glanced up. “I'm sure they'll be returned in time.”

“Taako'll probably see it happen,” Merle said. “He's gonna live the longest.”

Taako stiffened without thinking. “You're a dwarf, my dude. You're gonna live a long time.”

Merle chuckled. “Taako, I _have_ been alive a long time. Wait a second.” He pointed. “ _You_ don't know how old I am!”

“I totally know.”

“Nuh- _uh._ You don't! Ha! You have no idea when I'm gonna kick it! And you can't ask anyone because no one's gonna _tell you_ , that's probably, like, against the rules!” Merle howled with laughter. “I am gonna _mess with you_ \--”

“I don't care when you kick it, old man. I won't even be upset about it.”

“Nope. You're gonna cry, I know it. Because you _love_ me. You think of me as your weird old grampa.”

“No, I think of you as my weird old dad,” Taako said, without even thinking.

Merle went very quiet. “...Oh.”

Taako scrambled. “But like. Like not a real one. Like just for shits and giggles or whatever.” Merle smiled. “Stop that. _Stop that._ ”

“Okay,” he said, raising his hands. Beside him, Lucretia covered her mouth with her hand. “Are you laughin'?” Merle asked.

“...No. No, of course not.”

Taako wondered when it was she laughed last. Probably years ago. Or maybe with Magnus. She was always happy with Magnus. She'd always been happiest with him. They were nearly inseparable back on the ship – Taako couldn't get them to celebrate their birthdays apart, and on the years one of them didn't make it, they didn't have a birthday at all.

He realized this past year – neither of them had a birthday. _No one_ had had a birthday. Taako wasn't sure if he could remember when his and Lup's was.

What was the point when you'd lived a hundred extra years on the sly, and everyone around you was going to die first anyway?

“I'm going to bed,” Lucretia said quietly. She waved a hand and her tent rose from its spot on the ground. “It'll take a while to get to Shearock, I think. We should start early.”

“Sounds good,” Merle said.

She nodded. “Alright. Goodnight.”

“Night!” Merle called.

Taako looked at her. She was moving into the tent now. She didn't expect anything from him, even though he could almost hear himself saying it, the way he had a hundred thousand times years and years ago.

Lucretia disappeared behind the flap of her tent.

Taako leaned down and scrawled _night, lu_ , into the dirt by his feet, and then went to bed.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It's gonna take time, it's gonna take work. But I...” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Fuck, this was so much easier to say to Kravitz. I _love_ you, okay? I love you, and I sometimes I hate you all at once. I'm alive, alright? I've fucking got feelings.” He sniffed. “But...so do you. And I'll respect them as much as I can.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is just how i feel about it so.

– _**a long time ago –**_

Lucretia took shallow breaths by the roses. She'd flung her hand out against the stems by accident as she'd stumbled towards them, and now she was bleeding. She swore under her breath, putting pressure on the three perfect pinholes now seeping blood. She should not have come here. She should not have _come._

“Trouble, Director?”

Kalen's voice tore her away from her struggle, and Lucretia wheeled around, finding herself flush against his chest. “I--”

“Allow me.” He took her wrist and glanced at her palm, waving a hand over it. The wounds sealed themselves. “You must be careful, my dear. Roses are tricky bastards.”

“I was careless.”

“Yes, I suppose you were.” He maintained a gentle grip on her wrist for a moment before he let go, sliding his hand into his pocket and taking a sip from his wine. “Ah, I'm so rude. Allow me--” He waved down a server and offered her a glass. Lucretia tried to hide the tremble in her hand as she reached out to take it, and the way her entire body tried to lurch away from him when their fingers touched.

“Thank you,” she managed.

Kalen smiled. “Artemis certainly knows how to throw a party. I wondered who's magnificent structure that was when I arrived earlier today.” He gestured toward the moon base. “You must be _very_ clever.”

“It was a joint effort among--”

“Oh _do_ take the complement, Lucretia.” He flashed his smile again. Lucretia tried to smile back. She felt sick. “I hear the bureau is doing marvelous research in the name of... _progress_. It's a noble cause, I'll give you that. Any luck?”

“Some,” she managed. “It's a process.”

“Well I commend you for it.” He took a long drink of his wine. “Tell me. How does our friend Mr. Burnsides fair?”

Lucretia froze. “What--”

“Come now. You don't think I know?” Kalen turned to her. “I know so _much_ about you, Lucretia. I know you arrived on this plane rather suddenly, that you and your friends have been dispersed. I also know that you've been hiding from them, I suspect you think you did something unforgivable. _But_ , you care about them, so you check in every so often. It's the only reason you recognized me tonight. _So._ I simply wondered.” He leaned closer. “Where is he?”

“I don't know.”

“Liar,” he spat. “You know. You're protecting him.”

“I'm not. If he's hidden from you, that's your own ineptitude, it has nothing to do with me.”

Kalen reached out and grabbed her wrist again, pulling her in. He _twisted_ , but Lucretia didn't dare make a sound. “That little _brat_ took something from me. If he doesn't pay, then _someone_ will.”

“Are you going to kill me?” Lucretia felt emboldened. She leaned into his grasp. “You're a _monster_ ,” she said. “You killed those people. You destroyed innocent lives. How can you show your face? Do you think anyone here believes you're innocent?”

Kalen smirked. “Are _you_ going to kill _me_ , Lucretia? I know you could. You're the strongest wizard I've sensed in years, you have power even _you_ probably can't understand. The world is missing out, my dear. You're _wasted_  on the bureau.”

“I'm doing what's right.”

“Misguided,” he said, sounding bored. He let go of her wrist. “Do you know what the key is to being a monster like me?” He drained his glass. “You let everyone know what you are right away. Half the people here know I did it. But they wouldn't dare touch me, because they already know _what I am._ ” He threw his glass into the bushes and it shattered. “You should keep an eye on that wrist, darling. I think it may bruise.”

 

* * *

 

_**lucretia** _

She woke to the sound of Lup's laughter.

Poking her head out of her tent, Lucretia could see the beginnings of the sunrise, and Lup and Taako were sitting side by side on the other side of the campfire, grinning at one another. Lup glanced up and waved.

“Morning!”

“Good morning.”

“Lucretia, you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost.”

She nodded. “I'm fine.”

Merle tossed the flap of his tent open and scowled. “S'early.”

“Up and at 'em!” Lup said, and took their only skillet and a wooden spoon and began banging on it. “I'll make coffee and eggs, how's that sound?”

“We don't have eggs.”

“Then I will go _get_ some,” Lup said, planting a hand on either hip.

Merle waved. “Don't bother. We packed some goodies.” He reached into one of the bags and began pulling out some bread and a jar of peanut butter. “Protein all around.”

“ _Ech._ ”

“No, no, it's good! Sticks to the ribs.” He smacked his own for emphasis. “But you can make coffee, if you want.”

“ _Fine._ ” Lup settled down and started fishing in the other bags for the coffee pot. “Magnus says hi, by the way. Angus is still livin' it up. I think he might _actually_ be sick, or he really believes it at least.” She filled the kettle and hung it over the fire. “So? Anything from Luskan?”

“Just a bunch of bullshit,” Taako muttered.

“Oh, come on--”

“No, he's right.” Lucretia moved closer to the fire and put out her hands to warm them. “They had a chance and they let it slip by.”

“Well, they join a long list of guilty parties,” Taako said, and shoved half a peanut butter sandwich into his mouth. Lucretia kept staring into the fire. “We figured out one thing though.” He swallowed. “He's got connections of some sort. And I'm starting to think they're the creepy kind.”

Lup raised a brow. “How do you mean?”

“One of the council members said he seemed disappointed that things hadn't gone his way, like he was expecting them to. Like he...made a deal. Clearly no one got paid off. Luskan might be filled to the brim with model fucking citizens, but you can bet your reaper ass if Kalen had paid someone to fix the election, he'd have gotten what he wanted.”

Lup looked between them. “...Is he making _deals?_ Like...like _demon_ deals?”

Taako shrugged. “He could be.”

“Okay, okay, _okay._ ” Lup held up her hands. “That's bananas. And it _doesn't_ explain Raven's Roost.”

Lucretia looked up. “I think...it might be more than that. I definitely don't think it's money that's getting him anywhere. Taako's right, if it were so simply he'd have had more control in Luskan, and certainly more control in Raven's Roost. But deals with demons are hard to come by. They require more sacrifice. I think Kalen might have a more permanent line of communication, but I don't think the other end is always...open.”

Taako considered her. “Do you mean a patron?” Lucretia nodded. “It...makes sense. Patrons are a lot more complicated than just summoning a demon to take care of shit.”

Merle snorted. “Tell me about it. I _wish_ I could have just summoned a demon half the time I needed Pan to do shit for me.” He glanced up. “No offense, pal.”

“If Kalen has a patron that makes him a lot more dangerous than anyone thought,” Lup said quietly. “That's magic you don't want to fuck with.”

“We have to,” Lucretia said, just as Taako did. This time, he looked.

Lup sighed. “Well, I didn't come all the way out here to talk you out of it, that's for sure.” She took the kettle from the fire and started to mix in the instant coffee Merle tossed her.

Taako shook his head. “Wait.” He reached into a bag and pulled out a metal tin. “Lucretia doesn't drink coffee.”

“And neither do you,” Merle muttered. “You two and your friggin' _tea._ ”

“It's _soothing_ ,” Taako said. “A concept _you_ have not been familiar with a single day in your long and miserable life.”

“Hey! My life's not _miserable._ Not anymore, anyway.”

“Oh! That reminds me.” Lup reached into another bag and pulled out a handful of letters. “To you, from your love.” She handed them to Merle. “I only read the first one, and it was _delightfully_ filthy. I didn't know you and the captain were so--”

“Alright, _alright!_ ” Taako crammed his fingers in his ears. “I _don't_ need to hear this.”

Lup winked at Lucretia. “I was only kidding.”

 

* * *

 

Lup left them after breakfast, promising to find them again soon. She held Lucretia's face in her hands and looked her over.

“You sure you're alright?”

“I'm sure.”

Lup sighed. “Alright, _fine._ You two--” She looked between Lucretia and Taako. “--are _very_ good at pretending to be okay. It's a skill I never mastered.”

“No, you mastered _loudly announcing your feelings to the entire room_ ,” Taako said cheerfully, and kissed her on the cheek. “I love you. Please stay.”

“I can't. I have, like, work to do, I guess. Meeting with the boss lady, big group of souls to move at noon, and Kravitz is supposed to give me a lecture on _proper handling_ of evil spirits. Apparently I am not allowed to communicate with them.”

“That seems fair,” Merle said.

“It's not. I never get to have any fun.” She sighed. “Alright, I love you all, please be careful.” And in a puff of black smoke that Lucretia suspected was largely manufactured for dramatic effect – she vanished.

Merle sighed. “Well, that was fun. You kids ready?” He hauled himself up front. Lucretia felt exhausted as she considered the prospect of another day spent riding next to him, forcing her back to remain ramrod straight and her eyes to stay focused on the road ahead. She felt a hand pull on her bag and she turned. Taako pointed.

“You can ride back here. It's fine.”

“Oh, there isn't much room--”

“We'll fit,” he said, and took her things, tossing them into the back of the wagon. He pulled himself up and offered her a hand. Lucretia hesitated. “I won't _bite_ ,” he said.

She looked up. His gaze wasn't even on her. He was looking away, hand outstretched.

Lucretia took it.

They wound up sitting in opposite corners, but it was a start, at least.

It was a _start._

 

* * *

 

– _**a long time ago –**_

She was angry. That much Taako could sense. Lucretia rarely went into the kitchen other than to make a mug of tea, and she was causing such a racket that Davenport motioned for Taako to go in and make sure nothing had been completely destroyed. They still had an entire year left on this planet.

“...Lu--”

“I'm _fine_ ,” she snapped, and slammed the kettle onto the stove.

“Yeah, you _really_ seem it.” Taako moved to stand next to her, his hands raised. “I'm just here to make sure nothing burns to the ground.”

“I can make a cup of tea.”

He pointed. “That kettle's empty.”

Lucretia swore and nearly knocked it off the burner. Taako flicked his wand and it froze. He gently pried it from her grasp. “Why don't you just...sit down, okay? I'll make some tea and we'll, uh. We'll sort this.”

“There is _nothing_ to sort. I'm fine.”

Taako sighed. A wave of his wand, and the process started itself. He settled into the chair across from her and put his chin in his hand. “What's up, Lu?”

“Nothing.”

“Brat,” he teased. “Come on, why're you pouting?”

“I just--” She folded her arms over her chest. “Magnus said he'd be careful.”

Taako blinked. They'd buried Magnus two weeks ago. Everyone had been busted up about it, the way he'd gone wasn't pretty. But it wasn't the first time and Taako figured it probably wouldn't be the last. Sure, a year without Magnus was dull as hell, and Lucretia didn't usually smile through those, but he'd never seen her this... _angry_ before. “You're upset about that.”

“He _promised_ ,” she said, and put her face in her hands. “Every time it's harder. He told me we were family and we had to look out for one another and then he...he--”

Taako nodded. “I know.”

“I don't _want_ to spend an entire year without him. He's never had to spend a year without me,” she said. “He doesn't know what it feels like.”

It was true. They hadn't lost Lucretia yet. Taako had only died once himself, but he suspected it wasn't much fun without him either, though he hadn't had the audacity to ask. It would have upset Lup.

“Look, he...he knows there's risks involved. But Magnus got different training than we did. The sort of stuff they taught him to do...you learn to take the big hits. You learn that you're sort of...disposable.”

“We're a family,” she said. “No one is disposable.”

Taako nodded. “You're right, I get it. I just...for Magnus, this is different. You gotta shift your focus a bit. What do you think _he_ thinks about this? About the value of _his_ life.”

Lucretia ran her hands through her hair. “He told me that he doesn't think he's...he's important.”

“Well, he was taught that.”

“I think it's _bullshit_ ,” Lucretia snapped. She didn't swear often, but Taako couldn't help but smile when she did. “Stop laughing at me.”

“I can't, you just get this _look_ when you're mad as hell and it's _hilarious._ ”

“You're as bad as Magnus,” she muttered.

Taako laughed and shook his head, waving his wand again. The tea and mugs settled between them, and Taako poured her a cup. “Hey. When this year is over, you give him a piece of your mind, alright? I'll back you up.”

“Think he'll listen?”

Taako considered this. “Well. Maybe we'll have the captain do it. I caught Magnus calling him dad last year. It was pretty funny.”

Lucretia blushed. “You...don't call him dad, do you?”

“No.” Then: “...Do you?”

“No,” she said quickly, and grabbed her cup, hiding her face behind the steam. “Of course not.”

Taako raised a brow. They enjoyed the rest of their morning in silence.

 

* * *

 

_**taako** _

Lucretia fell asleep the minute they hit the road. Taako figured she would – she'd looked like hell coming out of her tent. Whatever she'd been thinking about, or remembering or dreaming, it wasn't doing her any favors. Not that he was complaining. If she'd been spritely and _jubilant_ for this he'd have turned heel and headed home. No, a miserable Lucretia was a Lucretia he could get behind.

She was, after all, in perfectly good company.

Taako couldn't get the conversation in Luskan out of his head. He couldn't _process_ how much people just couldn't give a damn. And this was coming from someone who prided themselves on affected apathy. Taako hated when people knew he cared. Losing his temper in Luskan had been a breech of personal protocol.

But where Magnus was concerned, Taako was always breaking the rules.

He tried to imagine a world where Julia Burnsides lived, and it became instantly better. He tried to imagine a world where Raven's Roost was fine, and his own became far less full – if Magnus hadn't lost everything, would Lucretia have sought him out? Doubtful – she put him there so he'd be happy. That's what she'd done for all three of them. Backfired, sure, but hadn't Taako been doing what he loved before Sazed fucked it all up? Hadn't Merle been living his best life on the beach before he took off?

Hadn't Magnus been in love and _been loved_ before Kalen took it all away?

Taako glanced over at Lucretia, who rolled closer to the makeshift pillow she'd made from her bag.

_You didn't just lose Lup._

_You lost Lucretia, too._

He scowled. Stupid. _Stupid._

This wasn't about losing her. If she'd wanted him she'd have kept him. This was about what she _took_.

Taako rolled over to face the other direction. It was incredibly easy, he realized, to realign himself. He could go back to hating her so quickly, so fluidly.

Maintaining it was becoming the hard part. He hated when Kravitz was right about these sorts of things.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, guys?” Merle turned and called to them. “I, uh. I think we're lost.”

Lucretia sat up. “That...can't be right.”

“I dunno.” Merle held up their map. “Says that Shearock should be right here, but--” He gestured. “There's...nothin'.”

Taako stood. “Maybe we made a wrong turn.”

“Nah.” Merle handed him the map. “Lucretia said the wagon shouldn't get us lost. Some sorta spell.”

“Maybe I cast it wrong,” she murmured, leaning over the look at the runes she'd scrawled on the side of it.

Taako shook his head. “Doubtful. A toddler could do that right. The map must be wrong.” He jumped out of the wagon. “Shearock should be here. It should--”

Lucretia made a noise. “ _Oh._ Oh, _no._ ”

Taako looked at her. “What?”

“We...we are in the right place.” She walked further ahead. The land in front of them was flat and completely barren. Lucretia knelt down and put her hand on the sprawling earth and closed her eyes. “Shearock _should_ be here,” she said. “But it's...gone.”

Merle choked. “ _Gone?_ ”

“All of it. Oh, _god_ \--”

Taako dropped the map and walked past her, looking around. She was right. They were in the right spot, but whatever town had been here once before had completely vanished. Everything.

And everyone.

Taako turned. Lucretia's hands were clasped over her mouth, and her body shook with silent, breathless sobs. Something inside him wanted to hold her, but something bigger wanted to tear her apart.

_I met Kalen. Some years ago._

Taako clenched his fists. “You should have _killed_ _him_ ,” he said.

“ _I know_ \--”

“You should have had the _guts_ to do it then. You're supposed to be the fucking most powerful wizard in the world, and you couldn't even touch him.”

“I should have, I know, but I--”

“He _killed_ Magnus's family. He destroyed his life! And when he was done he went looking for someplace else to do it!” Taako stepped closer. “Where did they go, huh? Do you know? Do you know how to find them?”

“I don't, I'm sorry--”

“You could have stopped this!”

Lucretia curled her arms around herself. She couldn't even look at him. Taako wanted to drag her to her feet, force her gaze on him. He wanted her to look at what was left of this town, of the _nothing_ Kalen had spared them.

Merle reached out. “Taako--”

“ _Don't_ fucking touch me. Don't--”

“Don't talk to her that way. No one could have known this would happen, _no one_ \--”

“No, he's right.” Lucretia stood on trembling legs. “He's right, Merle. I should have done it. I _wanted to_ , he was so close, I could have, but I—” She stopped. The words seemed to catch and she worked her mouth around them for a moment. “I was afraid.” She frowned. “What...what's--”

And then she looked right at Merle. “ _You._ ”

He stepped back. “Look, Magnus said if you guys were gonna fight, that I should--”

And Taako felt it too. That bizarre tingling sensation that he'd felt before when Merle had cast Zone of Truth on him, ages ago. He was so angry, so _furious_ – he hadn't even noticed, hadn't had a moment to shake it off.

He looked at Merle. “You fucking--” He advanced, but Merle stepped away. “Undo it. Right now.”

“No.”

“ _Undo this right now_ \--”

“You two need to talk--”

“The hell we do! I don't want to talk about it! I don't want to forgive her! Everyone's got a fucking opinion about how I should feel, but no one bothers to ask if I even want to and you know what?” He turned on Lucretia. “I don't! I don't want to forgive you. I don't even want to be here with you, because every time I look at you, I just see someone who thought they knew better!”

“I thought I could do it!” she shouted. “I thought I could find them, I didn't want anyone to get hurt--”

“Well everyone did! And what did you get out of it in the end, huh? Nothing. You lost everyone and twenty years, and now you expect me to let it go--”

“Of course I don't,” she snapped. “If everyone had left me I'd have been less surprised. But Magnus wanted to stay, and Lup let it go--”

“Because she's a better person than I am.” Taako advanced, but she threw up a barrier. “I'm not going to hurt you.”

“And you can believe that!” Merle shouted. “Zone of truth!”

They both turned to him and shouted, “ _Shut up!_ ”

Taako looked at her. “I want you to leave.”

“I _need_ to see this through.”

“No,” he said. “You had your chance. You had it and you fucked it up. You _failed_ and _failed_ and I'm tired of cleaning up your messes. It's all I've done the last two years of my life is clean up after you and I'm fucking sick of it--”

“He _threatened_ me, he threatened all of you, what did you want me to do--”

“ _I expect you to act like you give a shit!_ ”

Lucretia stared. The barrier came down. Taako's head was pounding, his entire body was shaking. Everything he'd wanted to say the entire year was there, everything he felt was laying in front of her, bared for them all to see. The words welled up, stuck in his throat before he _spat_ them –

“I _hate_ you,” he said.

Lucretia flinched.

His brain finally caught up with everything else and Taako shook off the spell.

It was a good thing, too, because his next words would have been, _and it's killing me inside._

But the damage was done. And Taako was done with the truth.

“...Alright.”

Merle shook his head. “Lucretia, no--”

“I'll go.” She looked up. The sun was beginning to set. “In the morning, I'll go. I'm sorry,” she said. “For everything.”

Merle reached out to her. “Lucretia--”

“Enough.” She looked between them. “Just... _enough._ ”

 

* * *

 

In the night, Taako rolled over and reached for his Stone of Farspeech and whispered Kravitz's name.

“ _There you are_ ,” he whispered back.

“I need to see you.”

“ _I can't, love. I'm so sorry._ ”

“I did something terrible. I did something _awful_ \--”

“ _Whatever you did it can be fixed._ ”

Taako sighed. “Can you love and hate someone all at once? Is that possible?”

“ _Of course. You don't need a primer on emotions from me, of all people._ ”

Taako laughed. “I just...”

“ _She loves you._ ”

“She didn't kill him. She met Kalen once and she didn't kill him.”

“ _That's...complicated, I'll agree._ ”

“I don't know what to do.”

Kravitz sighed on the other end. “ _I think you do._ ”

Taako huffed. “I mean. I know what I _should_ do--”

“ _Then do it._ ”

“...I don't _want_ to. Taako's good being angry.”

“ _Taako. You can be angry and still move on. You can stop torturing yourself._ ”

“It shouldn't hurt this much. It should feel _fine._ ”

“ _I'm sorry. I'm sorry it doesn't._ ” Taako heard a noise. “ _Listen, I have to go. But...I'll find you tomorrow. Understand?_ ”

“Yeah.”

“ _Don't get too deep into trouble before I do. Promise me._ ”

“Sure.”

“ _Taako-_ -”

“Yeah, yeah. I promise.”

“ _Alright. I love you._ ”

“Love you, too.”

 

* * *

 

He found her sitting on the edge of camp, knees drawn up to her chest, looking up at the stars. She turned as he approached and stood suddenly, backing away.

“Lucretia--”

“I'll go when the sun is up. I--”

Taako sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I don't...I don't want you to go.”

Lucretia clenched her fists. “Don't lie.”

“Look, I'll drag Merle out here and have him cast that stupid spell again if it'll make you listen to me.” He stepped closer. “I don't want you to go.” Taako sighed. “And I don't...I don't hate you. Not all the time.”

“...Oh.”

“I did, back there. When I said it. I hated you. And sometimes I feel it. Sometimes it hits me what you did and I get...I get so _angry_ , I don't know what to do with myself.” He ran his hands through his hair. “I've never fucking dealt with this shit before, okay? Like I've always...I've always been cool. But I look at you, and I remember, and it...it makes a little crazy, okay?”

“I...can understand that.”

He tapped his chest. “But it's also killing me, Lu. It's _killing me!_ You were my sister You spent an _entire_ summer one cycle painting some gaudy portrait of me, just because I asked you to! You saved my life. You _died_ , right there in front of me. When you...when you erased everything, you didn't just erase Lup or the years we spent together. You erased yourself, too.”

Lucretia looked at the ground between them. “At the time...it felt necessary.”

“I won't pretend to know what you went through. I know it couldn't have been an easy choice, but...did you really want to do it alone that bad?”

“No,” she said quickly. “But I...was arrogant. I thought it would be simple.” She looked at him. “I thought I was clever enough to take care of it on my own. And then everything simply...got out of hand. You had lives, and Magnus--” She swallowed. “Magnus was in love, and you were successful and Merle had _children_ , I thought--” Her voice shook. “I thought if I would be spending my years searching for the relics, then you could at least spend your years at peace.”

“But it didn't go that way.”

“No,” she said quietly “I didn't.”

Taako sighed. “I guess I can't...blame you for that. You couldn't have known what would happen.”

“I take responsibility for your suffering,” she said. “I do.”

Taako looked at her. “If you want it, you can have it. That's your choice. I just...I want to be able to look at you and not have the first thing I think of be...all that. All the things you took.”

“I don't expect that to pass.”

“Well...I do.” She straightened, surprised. “Yeah, I know. I didn't expect it either, but.” Taako shrugged. “If I spend another year not talking to you about this, it might actually kill me sooner than I plan on going. That, I don't want.” She laughed, and Taako...smiled. “It's not going to be easy.”

“I know.”

“It's gonna take time, it's gonna take _work._ But I...” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Fuck, this was so much easier to say to Kravitz. I _love_ you, okay? I love you, and I sometimes I hate you all at once. I'm alive, alright? I've fucking got feelings.” He sniffed. “But...so do you. And I'll respect them as much as I can.”

“I'll respect yours as well. And I'll--” She froze mid-sentence.

She must not have been expecting a hug.

Taako wasn't really much of a hugger, but it had been so long since he'd held her, and she was, despite everything, his family.

She'd loved him enough, years ago, to try to protect him. And even if it didn't work out the way she wanted, Taako knew – where the people you loved were concerned, sometimes the choices you made didn't make a whole lot of sense.

“... _Taako_ \--”

“Don't ever do it again, you understand?”

“Of course I won't--”

“And don't...don't ever let me go a year without talking to you. What happened today with that spell...shouldn't have happened. We have to focus on Kalen. We have to focus on making sure no one else gets hurt.” He pulled back. God, they were _both_ crying, it was disgusting. “I love you, okay? I _love you._ Now I'm done saying it.” She nodded. “Come on, you shouldn't be up. We have to get to Eastwind tomorrow.”

“God, it's really going to happen, isn't it?”

“Yep.” Taako reached down and took her hand, leading her back to camp. “Is he...really that terrifying?” Lucretia nodded. “Fuck. Okay, maybe we need to plan.”

“I think that would be best.”

“In the morning,” Taako said. “After some peanut butter.”

Lucretia laughed and nodded. “Alright,” she said. “Goodnight, Taako.” And she pushed up on her toes and kissed his cheek. “Thank you for talking to me. And...telling me how you feel.”

“Yeah, I think I'm good until Candlenights.”

Lucretia smiled. “I'll know what to expect then,” she said, and went into her tent.

“Yeah, alright.” Taako kicked the dirt. “Night, Lu.”

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucretia knew one thing, and she knew it very clearly.
> 
> She'd do it all again.
> 
> And judging by the look Taako was giving the two of them, she knew – he would, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had planned to write an epilogue chapter but *shrugs* i really liked the way this one ended and i'm happy with how it all turned out, even if i'm incapable of writing falling action and fight scenes, but. it turned out alright. played fast and loose with spells and the warlock class. enjoy!

_**lucretia** _

Lucretia had faced down the Hunger.

She had gone into Wonderland to retrieve the bell, and lost twenty years of her life. And there, she'd been faced with her worst fears, her most painful memories, her most egregious decisions –

But it did not compare with the terror she felt remembering Kalen's fingers as they stroked the shell of her ear, or the way he leaned close as he reached for another bottle of wine and whispered, _No one cares about places like Raven's Roost._

Her blood had run cold.

_And no one ever will._

The Hunger she had faced with her family, over and over again.

Kalen, Magnus had faced alone.

She had stood with him in the garden, all by herself.

And though she knew that, together, she and her family were stronger, it did not quell the twisting, nervous ache in her gut as they drew closer and closer to Eastwind that morning. Her thoughts were foggy, her hands trembled, she –

“Hey.” Taako's slender fingers curled around her own. “It's going to be okay.”

 _He killed Julia, he destroyed Raven's Roost, he swallowed an entire town and everyone in it_ –

“Stop doing that,” Taako said. “Say it.”

“I'm afraid.”

“So am I.” He squeezed her hand before going back to his spell book. Taako was an exceptionally gifted wizard, Lucretia had no idea why he was looking at incantations _now_. He glanced up and grinned. “Got a few tricks up my sleeve.”

“You always do.”

Merle called over his shoulder, “Stick to the plan, Taako.”

“I will, I will. I don't _like_ the plan,” he added. “But I'll stick to it.” He looked at Lucretia. “I don't like the idea of you being alone with him. It gives me the creeps.”

“If we all go in, he'll suspect something.”

“Probably already does.”

“We have a better chance if he assumes for the moment that it's just me,” Lucretia said quickly. “We can't ambush him. I agree,” she said quietly, and Taako leaned closer. “If he knew about Magnus all those years ago, he most likely knows we're headed his way. I'm sure we've triggered something, but we can't go back now.”

“It's not an option.”

“No. It's not.”

Taako snapped the book shut. “Alright, let's go over the plan one more time. We stop just outside the town. Lu, you go in first.”

“Me and you follow a little bit later.”

Lucretia nodded. “I get the meeting with Kalen.”

“And me and Merle wait outside.” Taako opened his spell book again and nodded. “Right. Just gonna cast...” He pulled out his wand and tapped the palm of his hand. A little beetle appeared in a puff of dark smoke and clicked at him. Taako smiled. “Alright, this goes with you.” He handed it over to Lucretia, who let him scuttle under her robe. “I'll be able to hear everything. What's the signal?”

“...I think we should use a different one.”

Taako raised a brow and Merle chuckled. “ _Lucretia._ What's the signal?”

Lucretia rolled her eyes and sighed. “ _Hot diggity shit_.”

Taako _rolled_ , howling with laughter. “I can't! I can't. Taako can't, oh my god. I've been waiting a _year_ for you to say that again. It's gonna be epic.”

Lucretia scowled. “We're all going to die,” she muttered, and folded her arms over her chest.

 

* * *

 

Eastwind was...quiet. Its people kept their heads down, their voices never seeming to climb above a whisper – it was all very unsettling. Lucretia reluctantly left Merle and Taako behind – she believed it was better this way, but she still wanted them close as she approached the building housing Kalen's office and home. She could...sense him. His strength had grown in the years since they'd first met.

But she had to.

No – _they had to._ Lucretia's hand slid into the pocket of her robe and gripped her Stone of Farspeech. She'd taken out an insurance policy on the plan, a little bit of backup that they'd all agreed would go a long way. Lucretia stopped just before heading up the steps to the building and took it out.

“Five minutes,” she said, and placed it back in her pocket.

The office was clean and elegant. Marble lined the walls and floors as Lucretia stepped inside. An elven woman sat at a tall desk and looked over it at Lucretia. “May I help you?”

“I'd like to meet with Lord Kalen.”

“Oh, I'm sorry. I'm afraid he's in a meeting.”

“Would you be able to let him know I'm here?”

The girl sighed. “I suppose. Your name?”

“Lucretia. I'm the director of the Bureau of Balance.”

The girl seemed surprised, and there was a fleeting moment of recognition before she nodded and hopped down from her chair and went through a small door behind her desk. Lucretia only waited a few moments before she came back and nodded.

“Lord Kalen will see you shortly, as soon as he's finished.”

Lucretia nodded and took a seat.

 

* * *

 

– _**a long time ago –**_

She thought he was done with her, until he filled the empty seat beside her at dinner, and made the next three hours of her life a waking nightmare.

An hour in, he reached over and brushed his fingers against her temple, trailing them down to ghost over the shell of her ear.

“You are _exquisite_ , you know this.” Lucretia said nothing. “Did you love him, is that it? Is that why you're keeping him from me?”

“Get your hands off of me.”

“Ah. You have fight, then. Like he did.” He hand drifted toward her back. “You're quite tense, Madam Director. Won't you have another glass of wine?” He reached for a bottle and filled both their goblets. “You know, it's not just because of me that no one else seems to care.”

Lucretia turned toward him sharply. He pulled his hand away.

“You see...” Kalen moved closer, and Lucretia flinched as his lips touched her ear, but his fingers wrapped around her wrist again and yanked her close. To anyone, she suspected, they must have looked flirtatious, must have simply had too much wine.

Her skin _burned._

“No one cares about places like Raven's Roost...and no one ever will.”

 

* * *

 

_**taako** _

“I don't like this,” Merle muttered.

“She can handle herself.”

“I know that, but this is all just...too easy.”

“Well, maybe we're catching a break.” Taako wished he'd be quiet for two seconds. His _find familiar_ spell was working, but this place was noisy.

Merle huffed. “You don't believe that.”

Taako turned to him. “ _No_ , I don't. But we don't have another choice. She's in there, we came this far.” He kept walking. “We're not turning back now.”

“I know. Grateful for the backup, though.”

“Yeah, should be a real firefight,” Taako muttered. In his pocket his stone was pulsing gently. He'd called Lup earlier, and she'd promised that she and Barry would be there, but she had no idea where Kravitz was, after he told her he couldn't get a hold of him.

“ _He's_ the _grim reaper, Taako. His schedule is a lot tighter and a lot more classified than mine._ ”

Now though, he was apparently free. _Shitty timing_ , Taako thought, and reached in for the stone.

“Hello, light of my life.”

“ _I told you to wait._ ”

“No, you said don't get too deep into trouble. We're not deep into it yet.”

“Lucretia is,” Merle said.

“Well, yes.”

“ _She's what?_ ”

“We have a plan,” Taako said quickly. “Look, you've got the dates hardbooked into your dayplanner, yeah? Just let us know who kicks it and--”

“ _I cannot do that, Taako! And, if you must know, your dates are frankly no longer available to me!_ ”

“...What does that mean?”

“ _It means you are confronting mortality, head on. It means that I have no way of knowing if you will survive this or not because you are taking your fate into your own hands, quite literally._ ” Kravitz sighed. “ _When the dates go missing, it means that you have made the decision to take responsibility for your own death. You...you go where I can't follow, Taako. I'm...sorry._ ”

Taako stopped walking. “What...what does _that_ mean?”

“ _I can't help you until your death is...is back in_ her _hands._ ”

“The Raven Queen.”

“... _Yes._ ”

“So you--”

“ _I asked you to wait for me. I'm sorry I wasn't more clear. I'm sorry I didn't get there sooner, I--_ ”

“I have to go.”

“ _Taako, wait! If you can get Lucretia out of there, if you can calm this situation, I'll be able to--_ ”

“I can't,” he said quietly. “I... _we_ have to do this. And maybe...maybe we were always supposed to do it without your help. Maybe that's it. But I can't back out of this now. I'm sorry. You...” He sighed. “I love you.”

“ _Taako--_ ”

“Please. Just...say it back.”

Kravitz choked. “ _Taako, I love you, of course I love you--_ ”

“We're gonna get this guy. We have to. For Magnus,” he said.

Kravitz sighed. “... _Alright. For Magnus, then._ ”

“Hey, just...do me a favor?”

“ _Of course, my love. Anything._ ”

“If we...don't make it. Will you tell Magnus that...that me and Lucretia--” He swallowed. “That we're good.”

“ _Oh, Taako--_ ”

“Tell me you'll say it.” He heard something, it might have been a sob, Taako couldn't be sure. “Kravitz.”

“ _I'll tell him. Of course I'll tell him._ ”

Taako nodded. “Okay.” He sighed. “Look, I met a goddess once, okay? And she told us...she told us that me and Merle and Magnus had been stopping people from using powers to reshape reality for a long time. She said that and she knew more about me then than I could have ever realized, but...Kalen swallowed a town. He destroyed Magnus's home, and he took Julia away. And you know, I really didn't buy a lot of that fate stuff back then, and there are days when I still don't, but...” He took a breath. “Maybe you're not here because you're not... _supposed_ to be here. Because we have to take of Magnus...just us.”

Merle whispered, “But what about--”

“ _Shh!_ ” Taako turned back to the stone. “I love you. And I want you to stay as far away from this as possible, just until we kill that piece of shit. Then, you know, you do that thing you do, babe. Okay?”

And now, Taako knew for certain, Kravitz was crying.

“ _I love you._ ”

“Yeah. I love you, too. Now I gotta go kill a warlock, okay? So you stay handsome.”

Kravitz laughed. “ _Only if you stay alive._ ”

Taako grinned. “Whatever you need, babe.”

After he'd put the stone back in his pocket, Merle sighed. “He's gonna be pissed when he finds out who we called in for backup.”

“Yeah, well, he doesn't deserve to feel shitty because I have, like, zero sense of self-preservation, apparently.” Taako sighed. “This place is...weird.”

“Yeah.” Merle put a hand on either hip. “Kinda quiet. Haunted,” he added.

Taako nodded. “Yeah, we--”

“ _Lord Kalen will see you now._ ”

He grabbed Merle's shoulder. “She's in! She's getting in--”

“ _Thank you_ \--”

Merle nodded. “Okay. Let's do this.”

 

* * *

 

_**lucretia** _

Kalen had...aged. For some reason, in Lucretia's mind, he remained the perpetually dapper gentleman from Artemis's party, but – he was much like her. Older.

“What a wonderful surprised this is,” he said, lowering himself into his chair. He laughed. “Well, I can't really call it a _surprise_.”

“I suspected you knew.”

He laughed. “I assumed you'd come sometime, Lucretia. After what happened last year, after that day.” He shrugged. “It was only natural you'd seek me out. You and I...well, we have something rather important in common, and I still have unfinished business, so...” Kalen looked her up and down. “You did not age well.”

“I could say the same to you.”

He scowled, but did not look too terribly put out. “No,” he said. “There was...an incident. But, I got what I wanted in the end. Tell me--” Kalen looked straight at her. “Did you?”

“...No.”

“Tricky place, that Wonderland.” He leaned an elbow on the arm of his chair. “You and I, some of the most powerful casters in this miserable world...bested by a pair of _elves_ with access to a bloody pocket dimension in the middle nowhere.”

Lucretia felt her mouth fall open. “I...you – you were in Wonderland.”

“Yes. But that's not why you came today, is it?” Kalen stood and turned to a large shelf behind him, fingers grazing the spines of the books there. Along his side, hanging by a hefty strap, was a rather large, leather-bound book “So tell me, Lucretia. Tell me what it is you _want_.”

She felt changed some, by this revelation. The idea that Kalen had wanted something so _badly_ he went to Wonderland to get it. What could he have –

And then – she remembered. That night in the garden, Kalen hadn't had a book. Which meant that Kalen hadn't always had a patron. That Kalen hadn't had one when he ruled Raven's Roost, and likely had just established his pact when he went to Luskan. It meant that Raven's Roost, that _Magnus_ , had pushed him over the edge, and risked everything in Wonderland just for power.

“Director?”

“I want you to leave Magnus alone,” she said suddenly, and stood. “I want you to _never_ speak his name again.”

Kalen regarded her with some amusement before placing his hands on the desk and leaning closer to her. “Is that so?”

“He _saved_ this world. Which means he saved _you._ You can't tell me that your precious patron would have spared you when the Hunger consumed this world.”

Kalen pulled back, scowling at her. “What do _you_ know of my power--”

“I know you wanted it bad enough to give up at least twenty years of your life in _Wonderland_ ,” she snapped. “You may have gotten what you wanted, but what else did you give up in that place? What did you _sacrifice_ , Kalen?”

“What did _you_?” he snarled. “You think just because you used your power to rid the world of the very things you helped create that you're any better than I am? I told you, Lucretia, I _told you_ that you were wasted on that bureau.” He stepped back. “I told you, there is only one proper way to be a monster. But you...you've been living as one for years, pretending instead to be a savior. You call yourself a _director_ , you call yourself a _leader_ , but you--” He pointed. “I know what you did. I know what you stole.”

“I am _nothing_ like you.”

“No? You took your family's memories, you took their homes, their very _selves_. You--” And now he _laughed._ “You sent Magnus to Raven's Roost. You sent Julia to an early grave--”

Lucretia's heart was pounding. She slammed her hands on the desk. “ _Shut up!_ ” she screamed. “At least I tried to make it better, at least I _tried_ \--”

“You think I took Raven's Roost because of the bloody _view?_ I worked for that town, I _earned_ it! And then Magnus Burnsides waltzes in, steals it all out from under my nose, takes whatever he wants and then has the _nerve_ , has the _gall_ to challenge me?”

“He's stronger than you,” Lucretia said. “He's always been stronger than you. You couldn't even touch him now.”

Kalen swept his hand out, and his entire desk flew to the side, slamming against the wall and splintering. “I should kill you,” he snarled. “I should split you apart, and I should make him _watch_ \--”

“He doesn't even _remember_ you.”

Kalen froze. “...What?”

And now, Lucretia laughed. She stuck her finger in his face.

She was no longer afraid.

“That's right. He _forgot who you were._ In Wonderland, Kalen. He made that choice. He decided what was important, and he _chose to forget you._ ”

“Then why are you here, Lucretia? Why does it matter?”

“Because,” she said. “I've learned something when it comes to monsters.” She took a step back. “There are those who choose to be them. And then there are those who choose to hunt them. And you--” She gripped her staff.

_She was not afraid._

“You made the wrong choice.” And then she smiled, and raised her staff and said, clearly, “ _Hot diggity shit._ ”

And the doors behind her blew open.

 

* * *

 

_**taako** _

The argument inside the room was escalating, and Lucretia was growing bold. Maybe too much so. But Taako knew she could handle herself. He knew she could hold her own. She was one of them, she was the _director_ , she had survived a cycle by herself, and she had lived to tell them all and she –

God, Taako had _missed_ her. There was so much to deal with, so many things they needed to talk, but it felt so good to hear her voice and smile again. It just –

It felt...strange, not doing this with Magnus. And he wondered if Merle –

“ _You made the wrong choice._ ”

“She's doing it. She's gonna say it.”

Merle looked up at him. “Hey, Taako?”

“Yeah.”

Merle turned and looked straight ahead at those double doors. This was it. They were going to do this, there was no turning back now. “You know what Magnus would do, right?”

Taako looked down at him, and he smiled wide.

“ _Hot diggity shit_.”

And then Taako and Merle – they rushed in.

 

* * *

 

The first thing he did was cast a sphere around Kalen, and buy them some time.

“Nice choice,” Lucretia said.

“Nice monologue.”

“I thought you'd like that.”

Merle snapped his fingers. “Focus! How long until backup is here?”

“Ten minutes, I suspect.”

“Then we got ten minutes to either hold him off or get this done.”

Taako nodded. “That spell won't hold him. Yours might,” he added, looking at Lucretia.

She shook her head. “If I cast that, I'm useless. It takes everything I have, and I--” She swallowed. “I'm not leaving him alive.”

Taako nodded. “Then we go in with everything we've got. Merle, can you make a call?”

“I can try,” he said.

The sphere began to crack.

Taako nodded. “Okay. Ready one three. _One!_ ”

The sphere shook.

“ _Two!_ ”

It began to break.

“ _Three!_ ”

Three different spells arced toward Kalen as the sphere shattered, and the ground beneath them shook. He _roared_ , and spears of energy poured from him. Taako and Merle ducked, but Lucretia took one in the shoulder and stumbled. Taako leaned down to help her up, but she pushed him away.

“ _Focus!_ ” She thrust her staff out and the ground at Kalen's feet began to _writhe_ with a dark, pulsing energy.

Taako _howled_ with laughter. “ _Yes!_ ” he shouted, and raised his staff, firing off a volley of fireballs.

Lucretia grabbed his cape. “The book,” she said, clutching her shoulder. “We need to get the _book!_ ”

“Right! Merle!”

Merle turned. His warhammer glowed bright with divine light. “ _What?_ ”

“We need that book!”

“Great, I'll get right on that!” he shouted, ducking out of the way as another burst of crackling energy landed near him. “ _Son of a bitch!_ What is that?”

“He's a fucking warlock, man, he doesn't even need spell slots – _shit!_ ” Taako pulled Lucretia out of the way as another wave of energy landed near them as well. “He's got a lot of juice!”

“We need that book, we have to destroy it.” Lucretia gripped Taako's hand. “It won't take him out, but it'll cut him off.” She pulled him close. “We can't let him make contact.”

Taako nodded. “Okay.”

“Good. Now help me up.” Taako helped her to her feet as Kalen stumbled in the mass of tentacles now whipping around at waist.

He pointed. “I don't need Burnsides to watch. I'm going to kill every single one of you. I'm going to _destroy you_ \--”

Taako scowled. “You talk too much.”

Merle laughed. “Comin' from you, that's sayin' somethin'!”

Taako shrugged and pointed his staff again. A beam of deep red light burst from it, showering Kalen in flame.

And then he heard the strangest sound. A whistling noise, like something...falling. It sounded so familiar, like –

“ _Cannonball!_ ” Merle shouted, and leaped back.

Part of the ceiling gave way as a round cannonball plummeted to the ground and opened in front of them.

Avi stepped out. “Sorry we're late! What'd we miss?”

“ _Duck!_ ”

Avi hit the ground as more bursts of energy came his way. “ _Holy shit!_ ”

“Get out!”

“ _Holy shit!_ ”

Taako rolled his eyes. “Avi, _run!_ ”

“Come on, let's move!” He reached in and pulled on Killian as she tumbled out of the ball, ax in hand. “Where's--”

Three daggers flew in quick succession past Avi's head, one hitting Kalen in the shoulder, the other buried in his thigh. He howled with pain, and more energy flew towards them, one hitting Carey square in the chest and sending her flying.

Killian _roared_.

“Big mistake,” Merle said. He ran to Carey to look her over, but she sat up, brushing dust from the ceiling off her pants as she stood. “You alright?”

“Never better. _Kick his ass, babe!_ ”

Killian ran, full force at Kalen, and aimed her crossbow. Kalen grinned. “I don't think so,” he said, just as another burst of light exploded between them, sending Killian flying back and into the side of the cannonball.

Carey screamed. “ _No!_ ”

Taako grabbed her sleeve before she could run. “Carey, we need that book.”

“He's _holding_ it.”

“Magnus said you're the best fucking thief he's ever met, so _prove it!_ ”

She nodded. “Right!”

Lucretia looked at him. “Inspiring.”

“ _More spells, less talking!_ ”

She grinned. “I can manage that,” she said, and raised her arms.

“What're you—” Taako looked up as the air above Kalen began to shimmer with heat, and a series of meteors began to fall around him, knocking him down and setting the tentacles around him ablaze. It was a _lot_ , it was _incredible_ –

but he was still alive.

Lucretia stepped forward. “Give up, Kalen! You're outnumbered. No one is coming to save you.”

“I don't _need_ anyone to save me! You'll see, you'll see the power I have.” He pointed. “I told you, Lucretia. I told you that you had strength. Wasted!” he screamed. “Wasted on protecting him!”

“Magnus Burnsides is worth more than you will ever know. My _family_ is worth more than you could _ever_ comprehend!”

“Is that so?” He grinned. “Fine. Let's see how you feel when they turn against you. Let's see what the great and powerful _Madam Director_ does when her family's minds become--” He reached for his book.

But his book...wasn't there.

Carey whistled. “Lookin' for this?”

Kalen stared. And then he lunged. One of the remaining tentacles snapped up, wrapping around his leg and pulling him to the ground

“ _No!_ ”

“ _Catch!_ ” Carey dashed around him and threw the book high. Taako caught it with ease.

Lucretia grinned. “Burn it.”

Kalen reached out, but the tentacles held him down. Taako nodded and set the book down. Merle grinned next to him. A burst of divine light hit the book dead center as Taako pointed his staff at it and sent it up into flames.

Kalen roared. “You _idiots!_ You think that's all that keeps me bound? You think that's the only way--”

“No,” Taako said. “But the look on your face right now is priceless, and I--”

Kalen's hand stretched out. Taako expected more of the eldritch blasts so he ducked, but – he didn't hear it.

Killian shouted, “ _Lucretia!_ ” as one of the daggers buried itself firmly in her gut. Taako felt the wind rush out of his lungs as he closed the space between them and held her up before she collapsed.

On the ground in front of them, Kalen let his arm fall. The tentacles had begun to dissolve, there was fire everywhere, and he – was out. Down for the count. He tried to push himself up, but collapsed. Killian walked toward him and put her boot right onto the middle of his back.

“I don't _think so_ ,” she spat. She turned to them. “She okay?”

Lucretia nodded. “I'm fine. I'm--” She groaned as she yanked the dagger out of her gut. “Nothing a good cleric can't heal.” Merle _beamed._

They all looked down at Kalen, who could barely meet their gaze.

“You think this is the end of me?”

“I do,” Lucretia said. She held the dagger in one hand as she braced herself on Taako. “What do you think?”

Taako shrugged. “Seems like a good place to end all this.”

Merle nodded. “Yeah. End of the line, pal. No more town eating or blowin' shit up.” He looked between them. “We made Magnus a promise, you know. And I think--” He gave his hammer a little spin. “Well, I think we should finish this the way Magnus would.”

“Hey, you've got the hammer, my dude.”

“You sure?”

Lucretia nodded. Everyone took a step back as Merle readied his hammer. He looked up quickly and said, “We'll talk about this later--”

And that was the end of _that._

 

* * *

 

_**lucretia** _

“I've made sure his soul is in the stockade,” Kravitz said. He was knelt by Lucretia's side as Merle looked her wounds. “He won't bother anyone anymore.”

She nodded. “Thank you.”

Kravitz stood. “You all took an enormous risk today.” He looked right at Taako. “But I suppose it paid off.”

“Sure did. Kept a promise, murdered a tyrant--” Taako grinned. “I told you we had this, babe.”

Kravitz pinched the bridge of his nose. “If I weren't dead already--”

Avi stepped in. “Everyone okay?”

Lucretia looked up and stretched out her hand. He took it with a smile. “We are. Thank you, Avi. For coming to our aid.”

“Aw, I didn't do much. Tried to get in a few punches, but--”

“We needed you,” Lucretia said. “We're _grateful_.”

Avi grinned. “Anything for you, ma'am.”

Behind him, Lup and Barry stepped into the room. “We took care of the public.”

Kravitz raised a brow. “How?”

“Just told them that he's dead,” Barry said smoothly. “They seemed okay with that. It's, uh. It's been a rough couple of years for them.” He turned to Merle. “I'm sure they'd appreciate some help.”

“Oh, sure, sure.” He stood. “You're all set, Lu.”

Lucretia nodded and moved to stand – Taako reached for her.

He smiled. “We did it.”

“Yes. Yes, we did.”

“Man, Magnus would have loved that fight.”

Lucretia laughed. “He would have.” Taako held her up. “You think it's time we go home?”

“Oh my god,” he muttered. “I thought you'd _never_ ask.”

 

* * *

 

They took it slow going home, camped in a few beautiful spots and recovered. Kravitz and Lup and Barry stayed with them, and Taako and Lucretia walked together and talked. There were things, still, he needed to understand. There were things he needed to tell her, and some of that came out, and some of it didn't. But it was alright – they had time.

Lucretia considered the last decade. How alone she'd been. How afraid and _lost_ she'd been. Taako reached down and held her hand one evening and said quietly, “I'm very proud of you.”

“For what?”

“For surviving.”

“Well. I learned from the very best.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “We were all basically the shit back then, weren't we?”

“Mmm, yes. You were certainly the shit.”

He nudged her with his shoulder. “This is the part where you reciprocate.”

Lucretia laughed. “Of course I'm proud of you,” she said. “I've always been proud of you.”

Taako grinned. “That's my girl,” he murmured, and kissed her forehead.

Lucretia leaned her head on his shoulder.

She'd missed her brother.

 

* * *

 

“ _You're back!_ ” Magnus bolted toward them, hefting Lucretia up and spinning her around. “Oh man, we had the worst storm while you were gone! Angus was sick as a dog, and I had the weirdest fucking dreams. Couldn't even handle it. Wait til you hear.” He started taking their bags out of the wagon, shaking his head. “Man, you guys were gone for a _week!_ ”

Taako looked around. “ _It's been a week?_ ”

Merle chuckled. “Yep. One whole week.”

“I need a _shower_ ,” Taako muttered, and trudged up the hill to the house. Angus was sitting on the porch in a chair, blanket and book in his lap. “Hey, Ango, you okay?”

“Oh, yes, sir. I've just been very sick.”

Taako winked. “Nice.”

“No, it's the truth! I got _really_ sick!”

“Oh, I believe you.” He held out his fist. “ _Nice one_ ,” he whispered.

Angus sighed and looked at Lucretia. “I really was,” he muttered, and bumped his fist against Taako's.

They all settled into the house, taking their rooms and cleaning up after the trip. Lucretia's stomach had a scar across it where the dagger had gone in, and it still pained her, but Merle promised after a good night's rest in a proper bed, she'd feel right as rain.

Downstairs, Magnus hummed to himself as he started cooking a late breakfast, cracking an entire carton of eggs into a bowl. He turned as Lucretia came into the kitchen and grinned. “Hey, you. Good trip?”

“Yeah, it was nice.”

He reached out as she went to him, wrapping his arm around her and kissing her temple. “That's good,” he said. “Hey, did uh, did you and Taako--”

“ _I got a bone to pick with you._ ”

Magnus sighed. “Speakin' of.”

Taako leaned against the counter. “Mags, I love you, but if you ever tell Merle to use that stupid fucking spell on me again--”

Magnus frowned. “I didn't tell him that.”

“Uh, you did. We were handling ourselves _perfectly_ fine and then _someone_ decided to intervene, apparently on your behalf.”

Magnus shook his head. “Nuh-uh. Didn't ask him to.”

Taako's mouth worked open and shut a few times before he narrowed his eyes. “ _Highchurch! T_ hat little shit. When he gets down here--” He paused. “Well. I guess it all worked out for the best.”

Magnus's expression brightened. “Wait! Wait, so that means that you two--”

Taako came and put an arm around Lucretia's shoulders, stealing her away from Magnus. “We're alright,” he said. “We got some things to work out, but--” He looked at her. “We're cool, yeah?”

Lucretia nodded. “Yeah,” she said. “We're cool.”

Magnus sniffed loudly.

Taako groaned. “No more crying, I can't do anymore crying.”

“I'm sorry! I'm just so happy!”

“Alright, you cry, I'll make breakfast.”

Magnus nodded and handed over the spatula before wrapping Lucretia in his arms. “I'm _glad_ for you. For both of you.”

Lucretia smiled as he pulled back, reaching up to hold his face in her hands.

He could never know why. He could never know _any_ of it. There was no way for him to possibly understand, but – Lucretia loved him, more than she ever had, in that moment. He was her brother, her oldest friend – she had done it all for him. _They_ had done it all, just for him.

And as she pushed herself up to press her lips to his forehead, Lucretia knew one thing, and she knew it very clearly.

She'd do it all again.

And judging by the look Taako was giving the two of them, she knew – he would, too.

 

**Author's Note:**

> title from "carry you" by the native siblings.  
> tumblr @ weatheredlaw


End file.
